My partner has a higher sex drive than I do

So, you come home from a long, hard day at work. Your boss has annoyed you and that sale you worked so hard to secure has fallen through. You find yourself daydreaming about going home, taking off your work clothes and relaxing into something more comfortable, watching a good movie, drinking the wine that has been chilling in the fridge for the past few days and switching off.

Your partner though has other plans. The movie that you cuddle up to watch, is interrupted by your partner’s hands massaging your leg. You hope that it goes no further than that, as you want to watch the movie and simply relax. You notice that your partner is becoming more sexually aroused. Sound familiar?

Recent research found that 34% of women and 15% of men reported a lack of interest in sex for at least 3 months.

So, what can be done about mismatched libidos? It isn’t always the men who have the higher sex drive, I hasten to add.

It’s surely inevitable that one partner will want sex more, at a time when the other partner may not be up for it. On occasions the ‘horny’ partner may have to simply look for other agreed ways to satisfy their sexual appetite.

But what if you’re the partner who doesn’t really want or need sex that often. It’s important that together you agree the role that sex will play in your relationship. Could you have ‘lazy sex’ every now and again? This involves either having sex ‘spooning’ where you simply wriggle your bottom around and hold your partner close to you, or could you perform oral sex on them, in order that they can experience sexual pleasure and perhaps have an orgasm.

If you would like to ‘get in the mood’, have a think about what turns you on. Now, I’m not talking about when they touch your genitals or rip off your clothes. I’m talking about when you’re not in a sexy mood, what are the steps that take you to that sexy place? Cooking a meal together, laughing about something that’s happened at work, playing a game like ‘Twister’ together, a Sex Quiz game or perhaps it’s listening and dancing to some of your favourite tunes. If the agreement in your relationship is, that sex will play an important role in your relationship, this will need to be a joint effort.

Does sex have to always be penetrative sex? Could you just enjoy oral sex giving or receiving? Would your partner be okay with this? How about talking to each other about what you do and don’t like about sex. Not such an easy conversation to have, but it may just help to build the sex that meets both of your needs.

Do remember though that some antidepressants, as well as medication for diabetes, heart disease and high cholesterol may impact sexual desire, so don’t forget to check this out with your GP first.

Is there any unresolved anger or resentment that may be getting in the way of you feeling close and wanting to have sex with your partner?

Deep down do you feel that sex is dirty, or are you turned off by your partner’s eagerness for it?

You may have to do some real soul-searching to get to the root cause of this issue in your relationship.